Written by Kim Chaffin
When we were dating, my (future) husband and I thought living together was the best way to make sure we really wanted to be married for the rest of our lives. You test-drive a car before you buy it, so why not live together before marriage? At the time it seemed like a great idea.
That “great idea” would unravel the night of our wedding, and for years I would carry around regret about my wedding night.
A few days before our wedding we decided that we had to be in different rooms. As if a couple of nights apart would make our wedding night feel like it was the first time. Out of the lingerie that I had received for my wedding, I choose something white because to me it meant purity. As my husband waited in the hotel room I slipped into my pretty outfit all the while telling myself this would be a special night.
I remember looking at myself in the bathroom mirror wishing that I were seeing the face of a bride who was full of anticipation of what the first time would be like.
We were married so it would have to be special, I told myself as I fought to hold back the tears of regret that filled me. I had just married the man of my dreams, but the butterflies I had dreamed of as a young girl were not there.
It wasn’t until our 25th anniversary trip that I shared with my husband how I wished things had been different. I had the wedding of my dreams, but when we got to the hotel I found myself filled with disappointment and heartache. I didn’t get to feel the butterflies knowing my husband would make love to me for the first time.
Over the years I have told others not to live with someone in a physical relationship. I would tell them if I could do it all over, I would not have lived with my husband before we got married. I have encouraged people to do things God’s way, but the truth is, I was never honest about my pain.
Maybe you have made the same mistake my husband and I made. You don’t need to carry around the regret like I did for so many years. Give it to God and ask Him to forgive you. Ask Him to guide you and to keep you from stepping into more temptation.
God is bigger than our mistakes, and He has blessed my marriage. I am sharing my story because I don’t want other young women to find themselves with the same regret on their wedding night. Yes, God wants us to stay pure for our wedding night, but it is not because He is overbearing, full of rules, and trying to take the fun out of things. It is because He has given us a very special gift and when we wait to open the gift, the gift is even more special.
Truth & Takeaways
Do not awaken love before its time:
“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” Song of Songs 8:4
Let God use your story:
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
-Make God the foundation of your relationship
-Pre-decide what physical boundaries you will have for your relationship and ask God to help you stick with them
-Plan your dates out ahead of time and make sure you don’t allow yourselves to get into tempting situations.
-Ask a friend to help keep you accountable