By Nancy Bentz

LOCAL NEWS
2046 years ago

Shepherds tending their flocks in the fields on the outskirts of town report that at 3:33 a.m., while most Bethlehemites were sleeping, a male baby was born in a barn. The shepherds report receiving an audible message from an angel that this was a child of noble birth. They further allege seeing bright lights and hearing singing that drew their attention to the trio taking shelter among some haystacks. Upon closer investigation by concerned citizens, a statement has been made public that the child was conceived out of wedlock.

The shepherds’ imaginative account leads local officials to believe they were subject to a high state of suggestibility due to their extended length of separation from mainstream society. Following extensive questioning of the sheep-keepers, during which they adamantly maintained their story was true, it was determined that this was simply a case of mistaken identity. The shepherds were advised to cease and desist from stirring up the townsfolk and return to the tending of their flocks.

UPDATE: The couple who gave birth to an illegitimate son in a barn many months ago and still living in the surrounding community, have disappeared. Rumor has it that they were last seen heading toward Egypt. Youth recently stacking hay in the structure discovered a gold nugget which has been handed over to local authorities for authentication. They also reported allegedly smelling two scents, aromatic in nature, uncommon to the harvested hay and other uses of the storage shed. After a brief investigation resulting in no hazard present though an unusual sweet aroma was detected, the case was closed.

 

REGIONAL NEWS
2013 years ago

EDITOR’S NOTE: Massive destruction caused by an unexpected earthquake prevented the timely reporting of the following story —

Three criminals were crucified outside of Jerusalem the day before Passover. Curiosity seekers lined the streets to catch a glimpse of the man called Jesus as the prisoners were led to Mount Golgotha. Once the crosses were erected the crowd dispersed.

Townsfolk questioned upon re-entrance to the city remarked they thought Jesus was suffering from delusions due to the pain inflicted before being crucified. The continuity of story among ones interviewed have led authorities to conclude his was a case of self-mistaken identity. The three bodies were quickly taken down and buried before observance of the Law’s Passover celebration.

BREAKING NEWS: Today in a new twist, sightings are being reported of the crucified Jesus alive and walking the streets of Jerusalem. Further, many inhabitants of the city allege sightings of family members and friends long dead also alive and well in town. Reporters have been dispatched to the scenes of these alleged sightings. Stay tuned for the latest update.

 

WORLD NEWS
Present Day

All local chapters of Despising the Shame, a worldwide organization with multitudes of members around the globe, are signing a new agreement. This growing group, operating under the JC Charter, will now be known by its new name, For the Joy. They report the inspiration behind their new title comes from the Bible, the book of Hebrews, chapter 12 verse 2:

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: The case of mistaken identity was sorely mistaken. Signed with my blood, I AM.

Merry Christmas! from the One who endured the cross and despised the shame…

FOR THE JOY!

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