8 Things You Need to Know Before Talking To Your Daughter About Sex

By Erin Bishop

If you’ve been online at all in the last week, chances are you have heard about the whole Teen Vogue sodomy guide situation, the undercover Planned Parenthood video from Life Site, in which a Planned Parenthood worker advises a 15 year old girl in the ways of sexual exploration, or how Planned Parenthood advises parents to talk to their preschoolers about transgenderism.

I can’t imagine any parent wanting their child to seek or take sexual advice from Teen Vogue or Planned Parenthood, but when I shared this post on our Facebook page last week, a couple of commenters said if parents educated their kids about sex, they wouldn’t have to look to Teen Vogue or Planned Parenthood for their information. There’s some truth to that. Parents do need to educate their kids about sex.

My heart is heavily burdened for the kids who don’t have a parent or loved one in their corner educating them about God’s design for marriage and sex, who are instead getting their information and values from Teen Vogue, Planned Parenthood, (just) their school’s sex education curriculum, and other sources whose agendas oppose our values. We are well on our way to losing a generation of kids who have gotten swept into the idea that gender is fluid, that sex and marriage is not just between and man and woman, and other theories that go against our beliefs as Bible believing Christians.

The “Sex Talk” is the Parent’s Job

As parents, educating our kids about sex is our responsibility. Period. Talking to our kids about sex is one of the most critical, ongoing conversations we will ever have with them. Yes, ongoing. Not just a one time “sex talk”. They should be ongoing, age and topic appropriate conversations that begin from a young age, go throughout their grade school and adolescent years, and possibly beyond.

Some parents get nervous over the notion of talking to their kids about sex. But know this: your kids are going to hear about sex whether you tell them about it, or not. In fact, depending on their age, there’s a good chance they have already heard about it from school or the media. So you’ll want to establish the truth before the false narratives start, because when we abdicate our role as the primary influencers in our children’s life, we shouldn’t be surprised when our kids become sexually active before marriage, and get confused and traumatized as a result.

Here are 8 tips to help you get started:

  • First and foremost: pray. Pray that their hearts and minds would receive the information you share, and that the truth of God’s design for marriage and sex would take root in their hearts and minds and that the world’s imitation would not tempt them. Pray this over your children daily.
  • Start the conversations early. When they are very young, tell your children that their private parts are private and special, and that’s why we keep them private. As they get older, the conversation topics will mature.
  • When you do talk to your kids about body parts, marriage, and sex, let them know they will hear a lot of different versions and words at school and from friends, but to come to you, their parent, because as their parent, you have the right information and you want them to know the truth.
  • If you’re nervous or uncomfortable talking about sex with your kids, they will pick up on it, and they may think sex is something to be ashamed of, unnatural, and wrong to talk about or do. Also, know that talking about sex with your kids will most likely cause them discomfort and even embarrassment. Let them know it’s perfectly normal for them to feel that way, but remind them it’s an important topic to discuss and reassure them that their feelings will change as they get older.
  • Let your kids know it’s perfectly normal to be curious about their body parts, the body parts of the opposite sex, and to have questions. Tell them their body will start to change as they grow, what to expect, and that it’s perfectly normal as they grow into adults. Let them know there is no shame in these changes, and that kids of all ages mature at different rates, shapes and sizes, and that God made everyone’s body just how He wanted.
  • Don’t assume your kids know anything. Start from the beginning and let them know you’re always available for questions.
  • Be a good listener, in everything. This tells your kids you are interested and available, so when the questions about body parts and sex come in, they won’t hesitate to come to you to talk.
  • Be consistent. If you tell your kids that sex is a special gift from God for a husband and wife then you’ll need to back that up with the books you read, movies and television shows you watch, and how you conduct your life.

You’re not in this alone. Click HERE to join the “Whatever Girls Moms Prayer Group”, a private, online community of Christian moms across the world who support and encourage each other through prayer. We’re here for you!

Want to be an intentional about raising a teen girl who is rooted in her faith and prepared to navigate the challenges of being a teenager? Consider starting or joining a Whatever Girls Club with your daughter. Click HERE for more information.

Recommended Resources:

“How to Have “The Talk” with Your Child”, a toolkit from Dr. Meg Meeker, M.D..
“Passport2Purity”, from Family Life Today.
“Five Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter” by Vicki Courtney


Something Brand New for Moms and Daughters!

Whatever Girls is launching “Whatever Girls Clubs” in August, just in time for the start of the new school year!

The teen years can be like walking a tightrope. There are so many issues that can cause teen girls to stumble and fall. It’s even harder for a Christian girl trying to stay true to her values when peer pressure can be so intense!

That’s where Whatever Girls Clubs come in!

When my daughter, Grace, started middle school in 2009, I didn’t want to just sit back and hope that she wouldn’t give in to the peer pressures of her teen years, so, I started Whatever Girls. We started out as a club for moms and daughters to get together, study the Bible, and talk about and prepare our daughters for the issues they may encounter throughout their middle school and high school years. Now, we have several clubs like ours across the United States, host online Bible studies, have a writing and speaking team, host local events for moms, daughters, and dads, and reach thousands of people around the world every day on social media.

Whatever Girls Clubs:

  • Are for middle school to high school age girls and their moms
  • Are Biblically based
  • Are led by mothers
  • Are a place for girls to grow in their faith and relationship with Jesus Christ
  • Equip girls to think on, and exemplify the pillars of Philippians 4:8 “whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy”. (This is where we get our name, “Whatever Girls”)
  • Are a safe place to ask questions and learn about: peer pressure, dating, friendships, sex, Biblical feminism, drug and alcohol use, Internet and social media safety, sex trafficking, bullying, and more.
  • Strengthen mother-daughter bonds
  • Are a place to develop lasting friendships

The nationwide launching of our clubs is a grass roots movement that provides girls with an alternative to what the world offers, and keeps moms involved along the way. Our goal is to have at least one Whatever Girls Club in each state by the end of 2017.

We invite YOU to join our movement in a few ways:

In the next month we are completing the development of leader kits for new Whatever Girls clubs, participating in community events to share about our clubs, and doing a lot of behind the scenes work to prepare for the response to our launch.

-Start a Whatever Girls Club or join a Whatever Girls Club in your area. Email us HERE for more information and HERE to get started. For those wanting to start a club, we are with you every step of the way from getting you started to supporting you along the way.

-Join our launch team. You will play a vital role in helping us ensure teen girls and moms all over America learns about the invitation to start or join a club. Click HERE to apply.

You can help us launch our vision into all 50 states by the end of 2017 by making a tax deductible investment of any amount.

  • We invite you to partner with us by sponsoring a Whatever Girls Leader Kit at $30
  • Giving a gift in any amount
  • Partner with us monthly with a reoccurring gift of any amount

To give by check, you may send your gift to:

Whatever Girls
P.O. Box 13191
Spokane WA 99213

Thank you for helping us change the world, one Whatever Girl at a time!

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