She’s My Girl, He’s My Dad
Building a Relationship to Last
By Justin Farrell
Dear Moms, have you wondered what happened to the great relationship your husband and daughter used to have? Have tickle fights and snuggles been replaced with eye rolling and, “You just don’t understand?” Does your husband seem at a loss for how to connect with your daughter? If so, please encourage them to attend the She’s My Girl, He’s My Dad father/daughter conference on November 15th from 9-3, at Liferoads Church.
This conference is designed for dads and daughters (ages 12 and older) for a day of relationship building through improved communication, learning how differences can bring them together, and spending quality, one on one time together. There will be time for the dads and daughters to meet together, as well as times where they are addressed separately. The event ends with a powerful father/daughter blessing where the dad presents his daughter with a rose and speaks truth right to her heart.
Dads with multiple daughters are encouraged to bring one daughter this year and other daughters to future conferences. This conference is also held annually in the Portland/Vancouver area in late September.
Here’s what past attendees are saying about She’s My Girl, He’s My Dad:
“If only I had this training 32 years ago!”
“I would recommend this conference because for me, I learned a lot about my dad and my own self.”
“I don’t know a dad with a daughter that doesn’t need info and help on how to be the dad that his daughter needs and deserves.”
“I believe this could help any father/daughter become closer and bond.”
“All fathers need this to show them how powerful of an influence they are for their daughters.”
“I’ve been praying for a better relationship with my daughter. I believe this is part of the Father’s answer.”
For more information, go to: Whatever Girls She’s My Girl, He’s My Dad; Building a Relationship to Last
By Jill Richardson
No generation, it seems, has been as enthusiastic about hands-on service than the present young one. Yet it often seems that, with all the time our kids spend in front of screens, getting them face-to-face with others, serving them, feels more like pulling a throw rug from your vacuum cleaner than a great adventure.
Do teens and tweens even want to volunteer with their parents? Can they get out of their own little world long enough to deeply care about those in need? Yes. And Double Yes. But there are definitely ways to start right.
Discover Their Passions
If your daughter doesn’t seem interested in serving tacos at the homeless shelter, maybe it isn’t lack of compassion but lack of connection. Sure, Christians should be willing to serve anyone, but in fact, God gives us all things that light a fire inside. Starting there is the easiest way to give your child a spirit of selflessness. Does she show concern over shelter animals, or abused kids? Does her heart hurt over women who can’t find clean water or girls who want an education but are not allowed?
Engage her in talking about what news or issues bother her. Listen. Look for opportunities to serve others in an area that already has her heart.
Your tween or teen is more than capable of researching volunteer possibilities on her own. Give her rein to come to you with suggestions she’s found or ideas she’s come up with. Suggest she do the phone calling, emailing, and scheduling. Let her own the process. Choose what the family does together and give her the credit for doing the work.
Consider Her Temperament
The thought of making small talk with strangers at a nursing home will terrify an introverted daughter. But she might thrive in a one-on-one with a lonely child. Similarly, your exuberant child could happily volunteer at a special Olympics field day. Think about it—is she intellectually gifted, socially bent, musically inclined? Also, consider her attention span. Seek out options that she will find natural and non intimidating. Sure, there is a place for stretching and doing scary things. But later, not at first.
Model a Lifestyle
Let your daughter see that helping others isn’t something you schedule but something you live. If another’s need interrupts your plans, show her how a Christian cares for someone even if it means adjusting schedules or finances. My grown daughter explained the difference to me recently. “If there was a need, we just saw you do it. Not like “something church people must do” but as something natural, a part of daily life.”
Be a Family on Mission
Don’t get sucked into the mindset that children wait to serve others until they’re older, teens go off and volunteer with youth group, and parents do their own thing. Kids can minister at any age, and they need and want to do it with their family, not separate. Find a cause that you can all get exited about and pursue that mission together. Make it part of your family DNA.
Sites to check out:
Books to Read:
When More is Not Enough – How to Stop Giving Your Kids What They Want and Give Them What They Need By Amy Sullivan
Don’t Forget to Pack the Kids: Short-Term Missions for Your Whole Family By Jill Richardson
By Kim Chaffin
Today I chose to read from my great-great-grandmother’s Bible. The pages are yellowed with age and the outside is worn but the truth in it still remains the same. I find myself reading Ecclesiastes 3 because it was written in the front of her Bible.
The Bible is marked “to Mama from Paul”. Paul is my great-grandfather. As I dug in, God’s word filled me with a sense of excitement. A small glimpse of my great-great- grandmother was revealed to me and God had a lesson for me to learn. I began to understand that she knew the Lord, and upon her passing, the Bible went to her son Paul and his wife Ruth. Ruth Ann Turner, Grandma “R.A.T.”, was my great-grandmother. Ruth also seemed to know the Lord.
In the Bible, there are things that my great-grandmother Ruth added when it became hers. There was a newspaper clipping about President Lyndon B. Johnson, prayers she cut out of things she had read, a couple of bookmarks and a page out of a devotional. On the devotional page, someone named Minnie had written a note to my great-grandmother Ruth. It said,
“This is for your own self. I just read this and it made me think of your life. Your smile does bless lots of folks.” -Minnie
There were a few generations between my great-grandmother and me that became unfruitful soil. Holding this Bible, their Bible, I understood that I needed to pick up where they left off. I realized that I have been given a chance to water what was once planted and then neglected for a few generations.
In God’s perfect timing, I found myself in Ecclesiastes 3. I was reading what either my great-grandmother or great-great-grandmother felt was important enough to write in the front of this Bible.
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
In this passage, I see that it is time for me to make a change in my own family to prepare for the generations to come. I want to leave a legacy of faith for my children, my grandchildren, and my great-grandchildren.
My kids know the Lord, but I don’t want to settle for that. I want to dig in and turn over the ground, pull out the weeds, and water the seed that was planted by my great-great-grandmother and her daughter-in-law all those years ago. I want to leave behind a legacy of faith. To have people remember me as a woman who loved the Lord with her whole heart, that is what I long for. It is so important for me pass my faith onto my kids and the generations to come.
As you are reading this, I hope you want the same thing for your family. Do you want to leave behind a legacy of faith? Then start with your own kids. If there’s neglected soil in your family, even if it has been left for generations, you can make a difference. Dig in! Tear out the weeds, plant your own seeds, and water them. Tend to them and grow something beautiful. Plant a legacy of faith.
By Nancy Bentz
Please join me over at Ishshah’s Story once again for this month’s dual Ishshah’s Story & The Whatever Girls contributor post – Material Girl.
Ishshah means ‘woman’ – the Hebrew word used in Genesis 2 before the Fall. If you’ve not checked out the Ishshah’s Story site, I encourage you to do so. It is full of resources and encouragement for Christian Ishshahs and Whatever Women like us!
This month’s post is ‘sew’ captivating to one’s heart.
Material Girl excerpt:
…the phrase material girl took on a different meaning many years ago when the Lord showed me the texture of my heart. It was a fabric the Bible calls stony.
Though I couldn’t know what all He was up to at the time, it was a defining moment when the first seam in the fiber of my stony heart was pulled loose.
Click here to read the full article!
Every blessing ~ Nancy
Learn more about my contributor collaboration with Ishshah’s Story and The Whatever Girls here.
By Ginger Ciminello
I am struggling with my self-confidence. I know that I am supposed to love myself for who I am and everything, but I am truly stuck. Some girls at school are calling me names, and it is just bringing down my confidence in myself. I don’t cut myself or anything, but I have tried cutting, but I just won’t let myself do it. I was just wondering what would be the best way to raise my confidence in myself. I have talked to my parents, but I am just too scared to tell them that I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. Have a great day.
S- Thank you so much for your note and for sharing what’s going on in your heart. I’m so sorry this has been such a season of pain and sadness in your life. I want you to know that I’m praying for you especially today.
First of all, I want you to remember that you don’t have to be afraid to share with your parents about how you are feeling. I think they would care deeply about your hurts, just like they care about your successes in school. This is a tough battle for a lot of teens, and especially a ton of teen girls, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal. Bullying is a really big deal and I can understand why it leaves you feeling negatively about yourself. I want you to really think about telling your mom or dad. I know there have been times when I’ve been scared to share things, but it’s usually because I want to protect someone else, or because I’m afraid that they will be disappointed. Trust me, your parents will love you no matter what.
Secondly, I’m sorry that you feel so STUCK.
I know that I was stuck in a pattern for a long time in my life. I felt like I was a car in the mud and no matter how hard I pushed on the gas, the wheels would just turn and dig me down further.
I’ve always struggled with loving the way that I look – especially when I felt I didn’t fit the same mold as other girls my age. I felt like there was nothing I could do to stop worrying about my body and start actually feeling comfortable in my own skin.
I didn’t try cutting, but I did make myself throw up. Sometimes we think we can do something drastic to feel differently or make a change, but the truth is I needed something stronger than myself to create change. I needed something stronger than self-esteem, self-confidence, and quick fixes. Hurting myself was only… hurting myself. I was digging my wheels deeper into the mud.
Even now, as a 32 year-old, the lie that says: You aren’t good enough because of the way you look – creeps in and wants to threaten all the confidence I have in the Lord.
So what do I do when that lie knocks on the door of my heart?
1. I claim truth. I read and remember the words that God has said about me.
2. I remind myself the value God has placed on my life.
3. I drop the lie that if I can just raise my self-esteem everything will get better.
4. I keep myself encouraged and grounded by reading the words of others who have struggled just like I do.
5. I cling to WHOSE I am, rather than who I am or how I’m failing.
6. And finally, I remember the hard road that I’ve walked and how I don’t want to go back there again. I’ve got too much to look ahead TOWARD. I want to keep fighting.
I needed something outside of ME to pull me out. In my own story, God has used His Word and truth, books, accountability, and especially counseling to give wisdom and insight into my “stuck” situation. But more than anything, God has replaced my self-doubts with confidence in Him through a deeper relationship with HIM.
I believe that God does not desire for us to stay in that muddy place. He wants to pull us out of the pit. God wants our hearts and he is fighting for them. I truly believe this. And I’m happy to say that He is helping me get free, even in the smallest of ways. That’s also my same prayer for you.
No matter what I might infer about my looks or weight, or even what others might say – the TRUTH is what I must cling to, even if I don’t always feel that it is true.
“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, NIV
I’ve found the secret of freedom to be different from what the world says. I haven’t learned six steps to higher self-esteem. Instead I am learning to reprogram my mind and know my Heavenly Father MORE. How He sees me is the only thing that matters.
Praying for your heart today, S. Please write again soon.